<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>How To Build a Home (Or Die Trying) by Thanatopsiturvy</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23290054">How To Build a Home (Or Die Trying)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thanatopsiturvy/pseuds/Thanatopsiturvy'>Thanatopsiturvy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cultural Differences, Emotional Constipation, M/M, Mutual Pining, Post-Alduin, Post-Miraak, Quick Burn, Snapshots, Stubborn Dunmer, eventual smut i swear</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 11:02:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,788</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23290054</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thanatopsiturvy/pseuds/Thanatopsiturvy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p><i>"Just... give a nod and I'll lend a hand if you need it. It's... it's the least I can do.</i>" </p><p>Ralis deeply regrets offering his allegiance to the Dragonborn. Skyrim is alien and unwelcoming, cold and hostile. His life is now completely different,  stranger than anything he's ever known, much like the Dragonborn himself. And that's, quite possibly, exactly what the old Dunmer needs.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Male Dovahkiin | Dragonborn/Ralis Sedarys</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>85</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>112</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>There's so little Ralis content out there that I decided to throw my hat in the ring. I'm just a sucker for a grumpy Dunmer, as most of you know well and good by now. </p><p>Thank you, Obsi, for the quick beta! </p><p>Chapters for this are gonna be fairly short, but I hope to update every day. Not a long story, but I felt like breaking it up into a multichap.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Ralis hated the Dragonborn. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d been an idiot to offer himself up as a sword for hire in the first place. It had been out of desperation — relief — he’d spoken without thinking, acted on impulse, clouded by emotion and the haze of Ahzidal’s curse. But what was done couldn’t be undone; if nothing else, he was a mer of his word. Nearly a week had gone by and he hadn’t seen hide nor hair of the scrawny wood elf. Ralis had been prepared to push him to the back of his mind and file him away with his other failures and shortcomings. Then, without any fanfare, he was back, stumbling into the Retching Netch with a new scar and a feral grin. Pendulous dread churned in the pit of Ralis’s stomach, festering all the way to Skyrim, worked to a froth by the choppy waves that tossed the Northern Maiden side to side. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So far, they’d hardly faced a single challenge outside of skewering a few mudcrabs and clearing out a fort of pathetic bandits. Perhaps it was simply from growing up in Morrowind, or his prolonged stay on Solstheim, but Skyrim seemed dull to Ralis. A child’s playground compared to the dangers of his homeland. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hadn’t even seen one bloody dragon. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whiterun stank of Nord, or maybe it was just the smell of horses. Either way, Ralis’s lip curled in distaste. Every person they passed addressed the Dragonborn by name, smiling, welcoming him home. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hail, Companion,” one guard said, thumping a fist to her chest. The Dragonborn offered a half bow in return and Ralis sneered, looking the other way. He supposed this was the price of traveling with a renowned hero. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Absolutely not.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ralis had slept in some absolute styes in his life, literally, on one occasion, but he’d never been forced to share a room with multiple people who all smelled of mud, blood, and a bit like wet dog.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re welcome to sleep outside.” The Dragonborn was shaking out one of his worn boots, gravel  and debris sprinkling the ground as he tapped it against his leg. “Or pay for a room at the Bannered Mare.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pay…?” Ralis scoffed. “You drag me all the way to Skyrim—”</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“And offer you free lodging,” he interrupted with a scowl. “Take it or leave it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It stinks to Oblivion and back in here.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll get used to it.” He smiled unkindly, his sharp teeth glinting in the low candlelight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “Uldwin,” came the Dragonborn’s name from the doorway. It was a human woman, her face streaked with dirt and war paint. “The feast is beginning.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be up in a moment,” the Dragonborn assured with a considerably more pleasant smile. He turned back to Ralis. “Are you going to join us?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d rather eat ash.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’m sorry we didn’t bring any with us from Solstheim, then.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ralis watched him pad barefoot out of the sleeping quarters, leaving him alone. His stomach chose that moment to growl loudly, twisting with hunger. He jerked into motion with a snarl, violently kicking off his shoes, shoving them under the bed with his pack. He pulled the fetid animal skins up around his shoulders and curled in on himself, facing away from the door. He stared angrily at the stone wall. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Miserable.</span>
  </em>
  <span> By some miracle of the Three, he drifted into an uneasy sleep. He was startled awake several hours later, roused by a loud snore from one of the Nords in the room. Ralis sat up, rubbing at his eyes, feeling weak and slightly ill from his empty stomach. He glanced around, gaze landing on sleeping body after sleeping body. The Dragonborn lay in the bed across from him, lying on his back, one arm thrown over his head, his expression peaceful. He looked young when he slept; too young to have saved the world twice over.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ralis pushed the covers away and swung his feet off the bed. The cold of the stone seeped through the thin carpets that lined the floor;  his bum ankle throbbed in response. He was working himself up to go scrounging for food when something to his right caught his eye — something that hadn’t been there previously. A cloth-covered plate and a bottle of Nordic ale sat on the table at the head of his bed. Ralis sniffed at the plate curiously, removing the cloth and pulling it closer. Half a loaf of bread, some crumbles of cheese, seared slaughterfish, and a sweetroll. He snapped his gaze to the Dragonborn. The mer continued to sleep, seemingly unaware that Ralis was up. Had he left this for him? Of course he had, who else would? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Guilt pulled at Ralis’s stomach, alongside the hunger. He ate his food in silence, the stale bread and cold fish tasting finer than a king’s feast to his starving body. Lastly, he knocked back the ale, which served as the perfect conduit to lull him back into a state of sleepy satisfaction. With a low burp, he lowered himself back down onto his side, pulling the skins up around him. Out of the corner of his vision, it looked as though the Dragonborn had opened his eyes — that he was smiling. Ralis’s head jerked up to check. The mer’s eyes were still closed. Still dead to the world. With a huff, Ralis closed his own eyes, finding sleep much more easily than he had the first time. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>When Ralis finally saw a dragon up close, he immediately wished he hadn’t. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Run!” the Dragonborn yelled.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ralis ran, both swords clutched tightly in his fists, swinging wildly at his sides as he tore across the plains. He didn’t think, he just ran. The Dragonborn was behind him, letting loose arrow after arrow in rapid succession, the dragon shrieking with each hit. </span>
  <em>
    <span>What were those arrows made from?</span>
  </em>
  <span> An ear-shattering roar nearly shook the teeth from his head, followed by a blast of freezing cold, nipping at Ralis’s heels. He glanced over his shoulder to see if the Dragonborn was close behind him, and a rock immediately sprung out of the ground, tripping him. He went down hard, his swords flying from his grip and skittering out of his reach. His bum ankle screamed at him as sharp, ragged pain tore up his leg. The Dragonborn was just a few yards away. As was the dragon. It shook the ground when it landed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“MUL QAH DIV!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ralis hadn’t heard Uldwin shout before. In the two weeks they’d been traveling together, the Dragonborn almost seemed reluctant to use his god-given powers. To hear it for the first time… Well.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ephemeral horns and spikes erupted from Uldwin’s body as he turned to face the dragon head on. The massive beast inhaled, rearing back, ready to Shout. Ralis was directly in the line of fire. He said his final prayers, prepared to meet his ancestors. He’d be little more than a frozen corpse if he was lucky. Another thunderous crack ripped through the air, and the dragon reeled backwards from the force of Uldwin’s Thu’um. Swift as anything, the small Bosmer shot forward at lightning speed, stabbing a dagger into the side of the things neck and using the momentum to swing up onto it. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ralis watched helplessly with no small amount of fear as Uldwin unsheathed a second dagger, gripping the sides of the dragon’s neck with his thighs, and drove the blade down into the center of the thing’s skull. The dragon thrashed wildly and Uldwin was thrown, tumbling across the ground in Ralis’s direction, scrambling to his feet and readying his bow. The dragon continued to thrash, trying and failing to scrape at the embedded dagger with its wings, its movements jerky and irregular. Uldwin took aim, his arm unnaturally steady, and Ralis heard him exhale as he released the arrow — right as the dragon opened its mouth in a roar of pain. The roar was cut short and the dragon swayed on its back legs, eyes glassy, the arrow lodged somewhere in its soft palate. The ground shook as the dragon fell, hard enough that Ralis feared it might split open and consume them both. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When the dust settled, the silence that followed was unsettling; the only sound was the soft hissing of Uldwin’s ephemeral dragon armor. Then, the dragon began to decay, as if burning up from the inside — bones and scales crackling and crumpling to ash, filling the air with the smell of sulfur and burning flesh. Ralis had to shield his eyes from the bright light that erupted forth, swallowing the Dragonborn completely. Uldwin stood for a moment longer, eyes closed, simply breathing, until the armor faded and the birds began to sing once again. Finally, he turned to look at Ralis, his expression grave. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m afraid my skills with Restoration are lacking. Can you walk?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just leave me,” Ralis rasped, his face and ears hot with shame, his stomach sick with fear. “I’m useless to you, anyways.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“First dragon encounter?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ralis scowled up at him and refused to answer, massaging his tender ankle. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You can’t expect yourself to know what to do in a situation like that. I didn’t my first time.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, and now look at you,” Ralis sneered. “Nearly fit to ride one.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>To his surprise Uldwin laughed, reaching a hand down in offering. Ralis took it without thinking and allowed himself to be pulled to his feet. He hissed and wobbled unsteadily on his good foot. It would be a long walk back to Whiterun. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ll need to get you comfortable with some ranged weapons.” Uldwin was shorter than him, so it made looping his arm around the mer’s shoulder a bit easier as they hobbled along. “You’re unbelievably skilled at duel wielding, but close-range combat is a bit of a hazard when it comes to dragon slaying.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Unbelievably skilled…</span>
  </em>
  <span> “Are you trying to butter me up with flattery, boss?” Ralis chuckled, hissing as he misstepped. “Or are you simply attempting to soothe my bruised ego?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Uldwin smirked out of the corner of his mouth, glancing sideways. “I didn’t come looking for you because I thought you were incompetent.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, why did you then?” Ralis spat onto the ground, attempting to get the bitter taste out of his mouth. “To punish me?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I certainly hope you don’t feel punished.” Uldwin shrugged. “I just thought I’d give you a chance.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A chance?” Ralis let out a rasping bark of a laugh. “A chance at what?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Uldwin didn’t answer for a moment, but glanced sideways at Ralis thoughtfully. He returned his attention to the path before them, one of his sly smiles creeping across his face. </span>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Redemption, I suppose.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Have <a href="https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/683870641749098521/690055812219273237/image0-43.png">a sketch</a> of Uldwin. &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Ralis gave in and joined the Companions at their next meal. He immediately regretted it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The only other Dunmer there might as well have been a Nord, the way he tore at his dinner like some kind of feral animal, wearing little more than pelts, his chest bare and streaked with war paint. Ralis could barely look at him. He picked at his food with his thumb and forefinger, too indignant to ask if there were any utensils. Uldwin was laughing beside him, presumably at a slurred joke made by one of the drunken Nords to his left. The Dragonborn’s words kept replaying over and over in his head. </span>
  <em>
    <span>A chance at what? Redemption.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Ralis sucked at his teeth. Redemption — what a crock of shit. As if traipsing around after a half-clothed wood elf, running away from dragons, and guzzling down too-sweet mead would somehow cleanse him of his sins.                   </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A thick hand thumped him on his back, nearly making him spit out his food. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lighten up, elf,” one of the Nords boomed in his ear. “Your sour face is ruining my appetite.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone at the table began to laugh, throwing back their heads, teeth flashing in the low light, bits of food spraying from their open mouths. Someone pounded on the table and the vibrations of it resonated through Ralis’s chest, knocking around the inside of his head — </span>
  <em>
    <span>let me in. </span>
  </em>
  <span>The laughter twisted in his mind, warping, becoming dark and sinister, and something inside of Ralis — something fragile and tenuous — snapped. Suddenly, he was transported back to Solstheim, alone in his camp, the dark night pressing in on him from all sides. He covered his ears as he tried to sleep, surrounded by voices that were taunting him, tormenting him endlessly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He rose abruptly and shoved himself away from the table, knocking his chair down as he stumbled backwards. He tripped up the stairs and pushed out into the cool night air of the courtyard, ignoring Uldwin’s cries of protest behind him. The practice dummies startled him at first — in the growing dark of twilight he mistook them for actual people. He picked up two of the dulled blades off the center table and stomped out across the yard. Lifting his chin, he let his shoulders sink, shifting his weight onto the balls of his feet. His first spinning slash cleaved a splinter of wood from the center of the dummy’s chest. He imagined it to be the Nord that thumped him on the back, the lingering smell of his hot, mead-soaked breath damp against Ralis’s neck. He stepped back, pivoted, brought both blades down, shearing off the thing’s straw arms, this time imagining it to be the pathetic excuse for a Dunmer that had barely spared him a glance. Ralis let out a roar of frustration, reeling back for his final swing, preparing to decapitate the thing. He stopped himself short, breathing heavily, the blade resting against the wood stick that served as its neck. He imagined the Dragonborn — Uldwin — staring back at him with those bright, curious eyes. The entire reason he was here. The reason he was still alive. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ralis dropped the swords. The clatter of the metal was too loud in the quiet of the courtyard, hurting his ears and leaving a dull ringing in their wake. He backed away from the practice dummies, feeling lethargic and foolish at his outburst. As he turned towards Jorrvaskr, he let out a startled yelp, clutching at his heart as it threatened to leap from his throat. Uldwin sat on the steps, simply watching him, a bottle of mead in one hand. Ralis expected him to be laughing, or at least wearing his usual infuriating smirk. Instead, he looked morose. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you enjoy the show?” Ralis spat, his expression pinched into a scowl as he walked towards him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Uldwin didn’t answer, continuing to stare at Ralis with those strange, orange eyes. They almost seemed to glow as the darkness settled further around them, the sun finally slinking fully beneath the horizon. He took a long pull from the mead bottle, wiped his mouth on the back of his arm, then silently extended it towards Ralis.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ralis paused. “Is this some kind of peace offering?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s mead,” Uldwin replied flatly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know it’s mead!” Ralis ground his teeth together, but snatched the bottle from Uldwin regardless. He took a small sip, grimacing at the sweetness, then handed it back with a shudder.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel as though you’re my prisoner,” Uldwin said after another long moment. “That I’m your keeper. Or worse, your torturer.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ralis let out a tremendous sigh. “I’m in your debt. I’m simply paying my dues.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but you’re miserable.” Uldwin rocked forward onto his feet, leaving the half-empty bottle on the steps and striding out towards the practice dummies. “And I can’t stand being the source of your misery.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, please,” Ralis scoffed. “I’d be miserable no matter what...” He trailed off, the confession startling him. He stared unfocused at some distant spot along Whiterun’s wall. Was it true? Would he still be miserable on Solstheim, had he never met the Dragonborn, swindled him into being his investor, nearly killed himself and the great prophet in the process? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was a prisoner of his own making. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Uldwin was looking at him with that same despondent expression from earlier. “I’d happily release you from my service.” He picked up the two swords Ralis had dropped. “Declare your debts officially paid. Would that make you happy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Ralis thought immediately, but said nothing — he said nothing, because the thought of being turned away and sent back to Solstheim frightened him. Uldwin brushed past him, climbing the shallow steps and returning the practice swords to their spot on the table. He turned and made to pick up his mead, but Ralis snatched it first, handing it to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I…” He swallowed. “I can try.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Uldwin took the mead with one raised brow. “Try?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To… To be less insufferable.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you know you’ve been insufferable, then?” Uldwin chuckled as he took a pull of the mead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, the situation hasn’t exactly lent itself to being an enjoyable holiday.” Ralis bit his tongue, already sliding back into his usual demeanor. “What I mean is, I can make an effort.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Uldwin was smiling ever so slightly, giving Ralis a thoughtful look. “Let me show you something.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just follow me. You’ll like it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With mild trepidation, Ralis followed Uldwin around the longhouse and down the steps towards the Gildergreen. He almost spoke up when they began ascending the stairs towards Dragonsreach — to make some sort of comment about how visiting hours were most likely over — but held his tongue. The hall was silent when they pushed through the large oaken doors, the only sound that of the center hearthfire crackling and popping as they passed. Ralis did speak up when they began to climb the back steps. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope you’re not stringing me along to play some kind of prank on the Jarl,” he whispered. Uldwin beamed at him from over his shoulder and Ralis felt a twinge of nervousness. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Surely not.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He was relieved when they pushed out onto a large balcony. Sluggish guards straightened up as they passed, but simply nodded amicably to the Dragonborn before slouching over once again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here.” Uldwin beckoned him over, walking further out onto the great porch. “Come see.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not exactly sure wha—” Ralis’s words failed him as he reached the wall. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whiterun Hold stretched before him, illuminated by the nearly-full moons, the landscape dyed teals and greens by the shimmering, shifting Borealis. It was breathtaking. He could see all the way to the Pale from here, where the snowline began, shifting the landscape into something alien and harsh. Though it made little sense to him, standing there on a sleeping Jarl’s balcony, Ralis was suddenly and distinctly overwhelmed with an incredible sense of homesickness — a home he’d never be able to return to. He let his eyes trail down to the backs of his hands where they rested against the wall, nearly the same shade of gray as the stone. He’d never really taken the time to mourn, had he? And, by the Three, it had nearly been two hundred years…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Want some?”          </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He glanced to his left. Uldwin was, once again, offering him the bottle of mead. Ralis took it with a quiet ‘thanks’, staring at the bottle for a long moment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I asked you to come with me because I figured you’d want to get away from Solstheim.” Uldwin leaned against the wall, gazing out across the plains, close enough for Ralis to feel the heat of him. “After everything that happened, I thought I was doing you a favor.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were,” Ralis all but sighed. “I’ve been ungrateful.” He took a swig of the mead, then grunted, wiping his mouth. “It’s just…” He made a sweeping gesture. “I don’t know how you stand it here!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” Uldwin shrugged, “look at it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yes. There was that. It </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> beautiful here, in its own way. Ralis sighed, handing the mead back and slumping forward against the wall, burying his face in the crooks of his arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do we have to stay in that mead hall?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Until I get enough coin to buy a house, then yes.” Uldwin smirked. “Someone managed to squeeze nearly all of the gold from my pockets.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ralis groaned as he straightened up, rubbing furiously at his eyes before giving Uldwin a concessionary grin. “We best get to work, then, eh boss?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was rewarded with a brilliant smile.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks so much to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/raunchyandpaunchy">Paunchy</a> for the great beta work! </p><p>And thanks to everyone who's left comments and kudos thus far! I really appreciate hearing for all of you. ;u; We're all in this together~</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ralis covered his mouth with both hands in an attempt to muffle his screams. He scrambled backwards across the filthy floor until he hit stone, and still his legs kicked, desperate to get away. Uldwin, or what <em> used </em> to be Uldwin, tore through the approaching mercenaries as if they were paper dolls. What took his place was a massive, hulking monstrosity of a beast, made of claws and teeth and fury. Ralis felt nauseous. The air was thick with the smell of blood and carnage — a pervasive smell that had followed them for the last two days, starting with the massacre at Jorrvaskr, continuing as Ralis helplessly trailed after an enraged, vindictive Uldwin. And now, his secrets laid bare, he wasn’t holding back. Either that, or he was planning on killing Ralis before the end of it. </p><p> </p><p>As the final body fell, the creature reared back and let out a tremendous, snarling roar. Ralis covered his head, pure primal terror flooding his body. When he finally managed to peek through his fingers, the creature was staring at him with wide, orange eyes. Blood dripped from its jagged maw, matting the fur around its face, its hands, its chest. Silently, it turned from him, lurching forward on all fours and disappearing deeper into the fort. Ralis uncurled, his arms and legs limp and shaking, the back of his neck clammy and damp. He’d lived to see another day. </p><p> </p><p>Slowly, he managed to push to his feet, detached enough to rummage through the mangled remains of the Silver Hand members for bits of gold and jewelry. He was too numb to feel shame for his actions. He made his way through the rest of the fort, unhurried, steeling himself against more carnage. Finally, in the final chamber, Ralis found him. Not the creature, but Uldwin, kneeling naked before the desecrated body of one of his Companions. The one with the white eye. Ralis realized he’d never bothered to remember his name. One of the others was beside him, a woman — thankfully clothed — whispering something  into Uldwin’s ear. She straightened up as Ralis approached, walking towards him. </p><p>“Get him back to Jorrvaskr.” She shoved a massive great sword into his arms, her hands stained red with blood. “Tell the others that Skjor is dead.” </p><p>Ralis didn’t think he could speak, even if he had a response. He secured the sword to his back before cautiously approaching Uldwin. He glanced about for something to cover him, finding only a stiff deer pelt, but draped it around his shoulders regardless. </p><p>“Sera…” he murmured. “Where is your armor?” </p><p>Uldwin said nothing, still staring at Skjor, or what was left of him. </p><p>“Uldwin.”</p><p>The Dragonborn’s eyes snapped to him, and Ralis had to try very hard not to run. They burned with a fury he’d never quite seen before — raw and violent.</p><p>“Let’s go home, sera.” </p><p>Uldwin seemed to crumple at his words, slumping forward so suddenly that Ralis was compelled to reach out and grab his shoulders, fearing he was about to faint. His skin was burning hot, even through Ralis’s gloves, and with some coaxing, he managed to get Uldwin to his feet, leading him quietly out of the fort. </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>The Companions mourned the death of their leaders the same way they celebrated them: with excessive amounts of food and alcohol. The somber atmosphere slowly turned lighter as stories were exchanged and more ale was consumed — tales woven in a true Nordic fashion, embellished and elaborated upon, complete with a healthy amount of speculation. Uldwin was laughing by the end of the night, but Ralis could see the tension around his eyes, the way he white-knuckled his cup, eagerly poured chalice after chalice. He balked at Ralis when he encouraged him to slow down, taking a long swig of a mead just to spite him. After that, Ralis chose to retreat to their sleeping quarters, exhausted and irritated. If the damn mer wanted to make himself sick, then so be it. It wouldn’t bring his friends back to life.</p><p>He felt like an outsider once again, relegated to isolation. He’d thought they’d grown closer over the past few weeks. Uldwin would drag Ralis out of hiding, sometimes literally, force him to be a part of the world, to walk through life alongside him. He was always there, at Ralis’s back, and Ralis at his. They’d fallen into a strange dance with one another. It had become a comfort, really. Something Ralis could depend on. To be shunned so suddenly hurt more than he liked to admit.</p><p>His mind was at war with itself. On one hand, he wanted to feel compassion for Uldwin’s loss — a type of loss that he, himself, knew well. He wanted to be there to offer comfort and perhaps even wisdom during a time of suffering. On the other hand, fuck Uldwin for being so thoughtless and selfish, ignoring him after everything he’d done to help. He’d been dragged through mud and blood and everything in between for the past three days, and this was the thanks he got? ‘Fuck Uldwin’ inevitably won out, and Ralis went to sleep angry and bitter, wishing a nasty hangover upon his patron in the morning. </p><p> </p><p>He jolted awake at some point during the night to a darkened room and the shifting weight of someone climbing onto his bed. </p><p>“Bed’s taken,” he growled. It wasn’t the first time a drunken member of the Companions had attempted to lay on him. </p><p>“S’alright,” came Uldwin’s slurred response, kneeing Ralis in the back of the thigh as he shuffled onto the sunken, straw-filled mattress. </p><p>“Go to your own bed, sera.” </p><p>“No.” </p><p>Ralis sighed as a firm arm looped its way around his midsection, trapping him in a vice-like grip. Uldwin was fever-hot against his back, and Ralis could smell the sourness of his ale-soaked breath where he huffed and puffed against his shoulder. He didn’t put up a fight, though — just shifted to give Uldwin more room, sighing again and closing his eyes. He had a difficult time falling back asleep, though Uldwin seemed to pass out immediately, occasionally twitching, sometimes whimpering or holding his breath in his sleep, kicking his leg like a dreaming dog. Ralis continued to lay awake and wonder over his situation, marveling at his ability to become entangled in such a complex, messy thing. The Dragonborn was nothing if not complex and messy. He felt damned to admit it, but he was incredibly fond of the little fetcher. And now he was in a literal pit of wolves, one of whom was currently clinging to his back like a baby netch. He feared Uldwin, just the smallest bit, but even more so he feared Uldwin was about to do something stupid. That fear kept him up for the rest of the night.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks so much <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/FourCatProductions/pseuds/FourCatProductions">FourCat</a> for the quick beta! </p><p>*kicks the elfy boys*</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“I need you to wait here.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ralis blinked, taken aback. “For how long?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“However long it takes.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What are you planning to do?” There was no hiding his concern at this point. The idea of losing Uldwin was… alarming. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Something I should have done long before this.” He was being cryptic, and Ralis wanted to shake him, yell at him, beg him to let him come along. “Vilkas and Farkas will be with me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh.” So he was being replaced then. “Right. Well, I’ll just…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Without warning, Uldwin reached up and took his face into his hands, and Ralis’s words died in his throat. They stared at each other, and it was confusing — so confusing — the things Ralis felt as he looked into Uldwin’s strange orange eyes. He nearly expected the mer to pull him down for a kiss. And what would he have done about that? Ralis swallowed. Uldwin let go of his face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stay out of trouble.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come back alive,” Ralis countered. This earned him a smirk and a salute, and then Uldwin left, leaving Ralis alone in the mead hall with a knot in his gut and a strange tightness in his chest.  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A full week passed with no word. For the first few days, Ralis took to moping about the hall until the Dunmer Companion told him to go outside. Athis, was his name. Ralis decided he’d commit it to memory. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Would you like to spar?” he offered one day. “Uldwin’s told me you’re quick with a blade. I prefer dual wielding myself.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The mention of Uldwin’s name made Ralis’s stomach twisted with some unnamed emotion, but he straightened up. “My reputation precedes me, then?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aye.” Athis grinned, teeth white. “Want to put it to the test?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In the end, they were almost evenly matched. Ralis still managed to win — thank the Three, his ego might not have been able to take it otherwise — knocking one of Athis’s blades from his hand and quickly finding the mer’s throat with the edge of his own. The blades were dull, could barely cut butter, but Ralis still ended his day with several more knicks and bruises than he’d started it with, as well as a new-found respect for the other mer.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It wasn’t easy being the only elf in the Companions. Especially with their history.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And a Dunmer, at that,” Ralis added, stabbing at his potatoes with a fork. They sat side by side, the only two people in the dining hall at the moment. “What on Nirn possessed you to join?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I was born in Skyrim. Skjor used to say I had the heart of a Nord, Shor rest his soul.” Athis took a measured sip of mead, looking momentarily grim. “I’ve followed their code my entire life. It seemed natural to join. Though I will admit, I was a bit sour when Uldwin climbed the ranks faster than me. But, he’s the Dragonborn…” He swiveled the bottom of the bottle on the table, leaving wet rings in its wake. “Can’t compete with that.” He gave Ralis a curious look. “How’d the likes of you end up tethered to him?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Tethered</span>
  </em>
  <span>. What an appropriate word. Ralis let out a dry laugh. “Mephala spins a complex web. It was pure happenstance that we met at all. Both treasure-seekers, I suppose — in it for the fortune. As to why he still keeps me around after everything, I could hardly say.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He likes you,” Athis offered, far too simply. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, but why?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Beats me. I think you’re dreadful.” He smiled and Ralis found himself returning the gesture as they both devolved into laughter. </span>
  <em>
    <span>How odd</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he thought, </span>
  <em>
    <span>that I might be making friends here.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Athis’s company kept him distracted for a few days until the mer was inevitably called away to take care of a pest problem somewhere south of Whiterun, leaving Ralis alone again. He decided to take up archery, remembering Uldwin’s words from their first dragon encounter. </span>
  <em>
    <span>We’ll need to get you comfortable with some ranged weapons.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He’d hone his skills, and that way when Uldwin returned… </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ralis missed the mark completely, the arrow clinking against the stone wall behind the target. He hated this — the pervasive anxiety that came with not knowing. And how long would he wait? Another week? A month? How long would the Companions allow him to haunt their halls? How long before he returned to Solstheim with his tail between his legs, forever wondering what became of his patron? His friend? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He nocked another arrow, squinting his right eye in an attempt to focus on the bullseye. He exhaled as he released, just as he remembered Uldwin doing. The arrow thunked into the target. It was below the bullseye, but at least he’d hit it this time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not bad.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ralis spun around, heart leaping into his throat. Uldwin stood on the steps, arms crossed over his chest, a small smirk curling the corner of his lips.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You could use a teacher, though.” He stepped lightly off the final steps, sauntering over.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ralis swallowed. “Know anyone you might recommend?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Uldwin just laughed, looking even younger than he had before he left. Something was different.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your eyes are brown,” Ralis said, feeling light-headed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, they are.” Uldwin was staring up at him with a strange expression. Finally, he cracked a wide smile, stepping forward and wrapping Ralis up in a hug, thumping him on the back. Ralis felt slightly dumbstruck, staring blankly across the yard for a moment before dropping the bow to wrap his arms around Uldwin’s thin waist. He turned his head, pressed his nose to his hair, his lips to his shoulder. Uldwin held him tighter, breath increasing. And maybe it was just a hug, just an open display of both their relief. Maybe it didn’t mean anything, the way Uldwin shakily exhaled against his neck, the way he shifted his weight, stepped a little closer. Maybe it meant nothing, but Ralis still didn’t want to let go.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks again to FourCat for the beta!! &lt;3 King of my heart.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>This time, Ralis was ready. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The dragon’s roar was just as deafening, but it sparked something inside of Ralis that he hadn’t felt the first time. Excitement. He pulled the elven bow from his back, its sleekly carved grip glimmering with enchantments. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Dragonsbane</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he’d named it. It was his new favorite weapon. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Uldwin was grinning at him, readying his bow as they ran towards the massive creature. It had landed just across the river, snapping at a sabercat that was stupidly trying to slash at it. They let fly their arrows simultaneously and the dragon reared back with a deafening roar, its dark, beady eyes turning to them. It took to the air and Ralis tracked it, managing another hit just beneath its wing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on!” Uldwin yelled, still grinning ear-to-ear. He leapt across the stream, bounding nimbly from rock to rock. Ralis was a bit slower, and one misstep had him losing his balance and falling into the water. He sputtered and cursed, flailing for a moment before two strong, lean arms grabbed him beneath his armpits and hauled him onto his feet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No time for a swim, it’s getting away.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ralis spat some water out of his mouth. “Oh, but it’s such a nice day for it…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Afterwards then!” Uldwin laughed.  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was as if Uldwin’s courage was contagious. Ralis let out a startled laugh as Uldwin shouted the damn dragon out of the sky, forcing it to land. They pelted it with arrows, dodging and rolling out of the way of its attacks. Ralis landed an arrow directly into one of the thing’s eyes and it shrieked in pain, whirling suddenly, its tail catching Uldwin in the midsection, sending him flying. He collided with the rocky overhang, crumpling into a heap, and Ralis’s heart nearly stopped as the dragon turned towards him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“HEY!” he yelled, firing another arrow to catch its attention. He may not have been able to speak the dragon language, but he could still shout at it. “Over here, you filthy n’wah!” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The dragon whirled to face him and Ralis felt his face go cold, his arms suddenly feeling twice their weight. The dragon inhaled, and he barely rolled out of the way as a blast of fire scorched the earth where he once stood. He lost his grip on his bow, but continued his momentum, rolling to his feet and unsheathing his two shortswords. With a roar of his own, he charged. Beneath its neck, he vaulted upwards, twisting his body to slash at the soft underside. A shriek and a spray of hot, thick blood were his reward. He dodged a snap of its massive jaws, pivoting to bring a sword down across its snout. It growled and recoiled, drawing another deep lungful of breath. Ralis steeled himself, preparing for the fiery blast, knowing it might very well kill him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Another arrow thunked into the dragon’s good eye and it reared upwards, belching its fiery breath into the sky. Ralis jerked to look to his left. Uldwin was on his feet, blood dripping down his forehead, bow still trained on the dragon’s head. Ralis saw him exhale, loosing the final arrow. It embedded itself into the soft underside of the dragon’s jaw, disappearing into its skull.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The dragon swayed, staggering before collapsing with a final growl against the riverbank. Ralis sheathed his swords, jogging over to Uldwin only to stop short with a gasp. The dragon’s soul blasted through his body as it rushed towards Uldwin. It felt like a firestorm, or maybe a blizzard – something so hot that it felt like ice, or so cold that it burned. He watched, nerve endings ablaze as the last of the soul seeped into Uldwin’s body, the blinding light and rushing noise fading until there was only the gentle babbling of the river behind him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Uldwin was still breathing heavily, but he smiled nervously. “I got a little cocky there, I’ll admit.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re bleeding,” Ralis pointed out, annoyed at how his voice wavered. Uldwin let Ralis inspect the gash on his head with a scoff, brushing off his concern, assuring him that he’d had worse. Ralis unbuckled his own waterlogged armor in order to tear a strip of cloth from his undershirt. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re covered in blood, too, y’know,” Uldwin said as Ralis dabbed at his wound. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not my blood, at least.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“All I mean is that I’m not the only one all mussed up.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think it’s safe to say we’re both filthy.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, you did say it was a nice day for a swim…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ralis quirked his brow, taking a step back. “Dragon slaying followed by a quick dip?” He sighed. “Just another day-in-the-life, I suppose.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Uldwin grinned. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They made their way upstream, putting space between them and the massive dragon carcass. Uldwin had called it a “mood dampener”. With their armor laid out on a nearby rock to dry, they waded into the icy river to wash the mud and blood from their bodies. Ralis cursed the cold the entire time, nipples hard enough to smith ebony as he furiously scrubbed at his arms and torso, watching the dragon’s blood drift downstream in dark rivulets. Uldwin seemed less affected, dunking his head beneath the water and shaking himself like a dog, wet bits of hair sticking to his neck. He may not have had the wolf blood any longer, but the damn mer still acted like an animal. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ralis waded to the bank, still shivering, lowering himself down gently onto one of the warmer rocks. His joints ached from the cold, especially his ankle. He glanced up at Uldwin as he approached, eyes accidentally sweeping downward. He coughed, looking away and curling in further on himself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You look like a drowned rat.” Uldwin grunted as he sat down beside him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Ralis murmured flatly. “This would have been more enjoyable at the height of summer, not the middle of spring.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Uldwin raised his arms above his head in a languid stretch, groaning and letting the momentum carry him backwards until he was laying against the bank. “We’ll have to do it again, then. When it’s warmer.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Will we?” Ralis smirked over his shoulder. “Awfully indulgent of you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The Dragonborn has to have fun every now and then.” Uldwin smiled up at him and Ralis had to look away again – away from those soft brown eyes and smeared war paint. It made his chest ache to look for too long. Uldwin stared up at the sky and a long stretch of silence lapsed between them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think we have enough to buy a house,” he said finally. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ralis raised his brows, hazarding a glance again. “Really?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Uldwin grinned. “Really.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No more communal living?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nope.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ll miss it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe I will!” Uldwin laughed as he pushed to sit up. “I’ll have you, though.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The ache was back, and Ralis swallowed, offering a hesitant smile. “That you will.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They dressed and donned their dry-enough armor, making their way back to Whiterun just as the sky was beginning to pinken with the first rays of the sunset. Ralis decided that he was very much looking forward to summertime.                        </span>
</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks so much <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/raunchyandpaunchy/pseuds/raunchyandpaunchy">Paunchy</a> for the stellar beta work! </p>
<p>One more chapter to go. *wiggles eyebrows*</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Really? This place?” Ralis peered curiously over Uldwin’s shoulder as he unlocked the front door. They passed it nearly every day. He’d never thought to give it a second look. “It’s a bit shabby, don’t you think?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It beats communal living,” Uldwin shot back, smirking over his shoulder.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I hope you didn’t pay too much for it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Less than what you cost me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ralis gave him a shove.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The inside of Breezehome was cold and dark. It was more spacious inside than its exterior would suggest, which was good at least. It would take hard work to make it liveable, but just standing inside the doorway Ralis already felt an immense sense of calm. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Home</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Uldwin had called it. They poked through the house together, speculating and planning, assigning the rooms their various functions. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You can take the big room, if you’d like,” Uldwin offered after they’d done a sweep of the upstairs. “You did technically help pay for this place.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Absolutely not.” Ralis laughed at the thought. “I’ll take the closet.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh don’t call it that. I’ll feel even worse.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It took about a week for the place to really come together. Ralis had never felt so domestic in his entire life: sweeping and cleaning and rearranging,  carrying loads of various belongings from Jorrvaskr to Breezehome, trudging up and down the Whiterun thoroughfare enough times to be able to do it blindfolded. They celebrated their new home at the end of the week with a small gathering of their closest friends: Athis, Aela, and the twins. Ralis was still quietly amazed that he had friends at all.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Farkas had brought two whole goat legs to roast, almost too large for their small fire pit. Athis shoved a bottle of Argonian bloodwine into Ralis’s hands as soon as he walked in the door, immediately insisting on opening it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My best-kept secret for always winning a game of ‘bobbing for apples’,” Athis whispered with a smirk, clinking their cups together. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ralis laughed openly. “Shame we won’t be playing tonight.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Playing? Like games?” Farkas butted in. “What kind of games?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The night devolved from there, though there was no bobbing for apples. Vilkas proposed the knife game, to which Uldwin enthusiastically agreed. Aela and Ralis quickly shut them down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You won’t be losing any fingers on my watch,” Ralis assured with a drawn brow. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Uldwin gave him a pleading look, jutting out his lower lip. “I’m really good at it, though.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You shouldn’t have anything to prove then.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In the end, Ralis taught them all a Dunmeri drinking game — “Netch, Kwama, Netch” — that got them all appropriately into their drinks. Aela, once tipsy, began to tell the most outrageous stories, her cheeks flushed and eyes bright. It was odd seeing her without her war paint — all of them, really. It felt like a privilege. Uldwin sat in front of Ralis’s chair on the floor, occasionally poking at the fire, one arm resting atop Ralis’s knee. He’d rock back whenever he laughed, turning to press his face against Ralis’s thigh, looking over his shoulder to see if he was smiling, too. Usually, Ralis was. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The food and revelry lasted well past midnight, Athis being the last to leave. He clapped Ralis on his shoulder as he passed through the front door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m happy for you, mate. You deserve a little bit of domestic bliss.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ralis scoffed. “You say that like we’re recently married.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Athis shrugged a bit too nonchalantly. “Just sayin’. You’ve been through it. Both of you. A break will do you good.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s up to Uldwin, I’m afraid.” Ralis sighed. “He leads, I follow.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m well aware.” He grinned, giving Ralis one final wave before making his way back to Jorrvaskr. The interaction left Ralis feeling strange. He closed the door and strode into the kitchen where Uldwin was tidying up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Successful party,” he chirped, his cheeks and ears still flushed from drink. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ll be wanting to throw them every night, now, I can sense it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not every night!” Uldwin protested, rising on his tiptoes in an attempt to place a stack of plates on one of the higher shelves. “Maybe every other night. Or every Fredas. Every </span>
  <em>
    <span>other</span>
  </em>
  <span> Fredas.” The plates teetered dangerously on the edge of the shelf, and Ralis stepped over, taking them from Uldwin’s hands and placing them safely in their spot. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why put them somewhere you can barely reach?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Uldwin ducked beneath his arm, trailing a hand along Ralis’s side as he moved back around to the table. “I know you’ll grab them for me if I need ‘em.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Confident little fetcher tonight, eh? A bit in your drink?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, that bloodwine was fantastic.” Uldwin spun to lean against the table, grinning. “We should go jump in the river. See if we can breathe underwater.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think the effects have long worn off by now,” Ralis reasoned with a chuckle. “Another day, perhaps.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m gonna hold you to that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, I know you will.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They continued to move around each other as if it were second nature, cleaning up the remnants of the party until the small kitchen and dining area were spotless. Finally, Ralis trudged up the stairs in Uldwin’s wake. He pushed into his small room, lighting the candle on his desk with a snap of fire between his thumb and forefinger. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Goodnight Ralis.” Uldwin stood in his doorway, or more so leaned against it, looking sleepy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sleep well,” Ralis offered. Uldwin didn’t move, staring at him for a long moment with sluggish, drunken eyes. Ralis felt nervousness flutter to life behind his sternum, and swallowed. “Drink some water,” he added. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Uldwin smirked, pushing off the door frame and stepping backwards out into the hall. “Thanks.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ralis watched him saunter over to his bedroom, giving one final look over his shoulder before closing the door with a soft click. He exhaled, shutting his own door and disrobing. He lay awake for a long while, just staring at the ceiling, feeling strangely empty. They’d been living in the house for a full week now — he should be used to the loneliness of his own room. The evening had left him feeling raw, strangely vulnerable, and the final, stilted interaction with Uldwin seemed to have snapped the last thread holding him together.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>He threw the covers back and rolled to his feet, shuffling quietly out of his room and into the hallway. The house was pleasantly warm from the prolonged heat of the hearthfire, the floorboards almost soft beneath his bare feet. He stopped short of Uldwin’s door, his hands curled into loose fists by his side. What was he actually going to do? Knock? It seemed an odd time for a chat. He didn’t even know what he wanted to say — barely understood why he was awake, standing outside of Uldwin’s bedroom, shirtless, jaw clenched tight. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Finally he worked up the nerve, raising his fist in preparation to knock, only to have the door swing open. Uldwin stared up at him, looking startled, his chest also bare and eyes nearly black in the darkness of the house. They stared at each other for a long moment, completely silent. Ralis’s mind had gone blank — all he could focus on were the small details of Uldwin’s face: the jagged scars that cut across his left cheek, the thin, faded tattoos along the ridge of his nose, the way his lips were parted in surprise. Then, as if inevitable, Ralis rocked forward and Uldwin leaned up to meet him. Their kiss squeezed all the air from his lungs. He wrapped his arms around Uldwin’s waist, pulling him closer, as close as possible, bending him backwards. Fingernails dug into the back of his neck, sharp teeth scraping against his lower lip and an eager tongue pressing into his mouth. Gods, it was everything he didn’t know he wanted, and soon he was walking Uldwin backwards into the room, guiding him to the bed, pressing him down against the mattress.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Uldwin was solid and lean, firm muscle and warm skin, and he hooked his ankles around the backs of Ralis’s knees, biting at his mouth with a feral kind of need. Ralis knew he was a good deal older than Uldwin, that his skin hung loose around his joints, that his muscles were hardened by age and knotted by stress. This became all the more apparent with Uldwin beneath him, all pent-up energy and unapologetic desire. He groaned into Ralis’s mouth, and had it really been there all along? Had the others been able to see this between them?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Uldwin rolled his hips up, his arousal hot and stiff beneath the fabric of his thin pants, and Ralis broke away only to suck and nip at his neck, leaving wet trails down his bare chest. He wanted to feel Uldwin’s cock against his tongue — wanted it so fiercely that his mouth watered at the thought, cheeks drawing in anticipation. He tugged at the hem of Uldwin’s pants impatiently, and Uldwin lifted his hips in compliance. He pushed up onto his forearms to watch, licking his lips. They hadn’t said a word, and Ralis wasn’t sure if either of them would — as if speaking would somehow break the spell. The air in the room felt thick, the edges of Ralis’s vision blurred by shadow and moonlight. He kissed the inside of Uldwin’s thigh, ran his lips along the soft skin there, pressed his nose to the juncture of his hip and inhaled. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Worship</span>
  </em>
  <span> was the word that came to mind, and gods, yes, Ralis wanted to worship him. The first lick had Ulwin exhaling shakily, then, when Ralis took the head of his cock into his mouth, he fell back onto the bed with a soft moan. They were both being quiet — holding back. Ralis planned to change that.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Azura help him, it had been years since he’d done this. Months since he’d had any intimate contact at all. He knew he was out of practice, especially when Uldwin’s cock hit the back of his throat and he gagged, saliva dribbling down the side of his hand where he gripped the base. That didn’t stop him. He hollowed his cheeks and sucked, then pulled off and licked the full length, working the shaft with his hand before swallowing him whole again. He was showing off, he realized, and it was working. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Uldwin’s hands flew to his hair, tugging gently, but desperately. He whimpered — a beautiful little sound. “Please.” The first word between them. Such a lovely one, at that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ralis gave one last hard suck, then slid his lips off with a filthy noise, wiping his mouth on the back of his arm and grinning at Uldwin before surging up the bed to kiss him. The hesitation was gone, and Uldwin’s hands were roaming anywhere they could touch, one immediately sliding past the waistband of his pants, grabbing at his stiffened cock. The touch was electrifying and Ralis wasn’t quite sure how he didn’t expect it, but it knocked the breath from him. He gasped against Uldwin’s mouth, dropping down to rest his head against the mattress, curling his hips helplessly into the awkward angle of Uldwin’s hand. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Undress,” Uldwin whispered against the shell of his ear. Ralis pulled away with an amused huff, shifting to lay on his back and shimmying out of his pants. Quick as anything, Uldwin was straddling him, spitting into his hand and squeezing their cocks together. Ralis groaned and reached down with his own hand to join him, covering the other side. They fell into a rhythm, rocking into each other’s fists, foreheads pressed together, breath mingling, their movements unhurried. Ralis’s free hand slid across Uldwin’s ribs, over his back, ghosting up to his neck, bringing him down for a kiss. And another. And another. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soon, their languid pace became more frantic, their breathing more labored, hard, slick cocks sliding against each other. Uldwin pressed his forehead to Ralis’s collarbone, his breath hot against the hollow of his neck. Ralis just held him there, one hand buried in the crest of his hair, gripping tightly. He felt the thrum of his impending climax, thighs stiffening, balls drawn high and tight. He planted his feet against the mattress, using the extra leverage to thrust in earnest and Uldwin groaned, turning to press his sharp teeth against Ralis’s pulse point. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ralis was too far gone to try to wait; he came with a gasp and a shuddering exhale through clenched teeth. Uldwin wasn’t far behind, thrusting three, four more times before Ralis felt the gush of hot seed over his hand, spilling across his stomach. Their hips slowed, cocks squelching between their fists as they pulled as much pleasure from their bodies as they could stand. Finally, Ralis let go, arm falling to the bed as he attempted to catch his breath.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Uldwin gave him one final lingering kiss before pulling back with a half-cocked smile. “That’s been a long time coming.” His voice was gruffer than usual, pitched low.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ralis laughed a little breathlessly. “Has it?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Months.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Months!?” Ralis threw his head back and laughed more openly. “You’re kidding.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not even remotely.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I must be absolutely blind, then.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A bit!” Uldwin leaned down to kiss him before swinging off the bed. He came back with a small hand towel. Ralis felt disgusting and longed for a bath, but accepted the towel as his only option for the time being, wiping between his fingers with a grimace. After they were both clean, Uldwin curled against his side near instantly, grunting and tugging at the covers where Ralis lay on them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, alright,” Ralis laughed. “You can use your words, you know.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Get your arse off the covers, then.” Uldwin nipped at his shoulder with a smile. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Watch those teeth.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Uldwin wasn’t going to let him sleep anytime soon, it seemed. As soon as Ralis was comfortable, the mer was immediately trailing kisses along the column of his neck, running a hand over his chest, down his side. Ralis could feel him getting hard again against his hip. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Have mercy on me, please.” He chuckled as he ran a hand through Uldwin’s thin tangle of hair. “I’m an old man, remember?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Rubbish,” he murmured against Ralis’s jaw. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Call it whatever you want, it doesn’t make it less true.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Uldwin pushed onto his hands and knees, straddling Ralis again and dipping down for a deep, searing kiss that miraculously managed to make Ralis’s exhausted cock twitch. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I find you incredibly sexy and incredibly capable,” Uldwin said. “And I’ll hear nothing that implies otherwise.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ralis kissed him fiercely, reaching down to grab Uldwin’s cock and give it a firm tug. The mer buckled on top of him, burying his face against Ralis’s neck with a quavering moan. There was absolutely no way Ralis would be able to go for a second round tonight, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t wring another orgasm from his newfound — and incredibly enthusiastic — bedfellow. Uldwin scraped his fingernails along Ralis’s sides, fucking into his fist, mouthing wetly along the line of his neck, across his collarbone. Ralis just held his hand steady, let Uldwin use him as he saw fit. The night was dead silent around them, the only sounds that of their labored breaths and the slick, squelching of Uldwin’s cock in Ralis’s fist, as if the world outside were holding its breath. Uldwin came onto Ralis’s stomach for the second time that night, whimpering and fisting the threadbare sheets as he milked himself to completion, and yes, Ralis would really have to get them into a bath at some point tomorrow. Uldwin panted hotly against his neck, laughing and pressing small kisses against his skin.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ralis cleaned them up once more, and Uldwin, at least, seemed lethargic enough to want to sleep. He liked to sleep on his back, which worked out well since Ralis liked to sleep on his side. They found a way for their bodies to fit together, and it was as if they’d been doing this all along. It was so strange for something so completely new to feel so incredibly natural. Uldwin was running a hand through Ralis’s hair, pressing kiss after kiss to his forehead. It was more affection than he was used to; he didn’t quite know how to respond. He took to tracing the line of Uldwin’s collarbone, feeling the dips and knots where it had been broken at least once. His whole body was mottled with old scars. Now Ralis had the time — permission, even — to count them, map them. To kiss them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you, you know.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ralis’s heart seized so violently in his chest that his whole body jolted in response. Uldwin held him a bit tighter, holding his lips to Ralis’s forehead, waiting. What should he say? What could he say to that? It wasn’t really such a startling confession, but it still left Ralis feeling light-headed and breathless. He swallowed, shifting his weight to push up onto his forearm, staring down at Uldwin with, what he hoped was, an expression of endearment. Uldwin looked nervous, so maybe the expression was a bit off. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Too much? Too fast?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ralis let out a wheeze of a laugh. “You just caught me off guard, there.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ralis dipped down to halt any apologies with a kiss. He didn’t know if he could say it back just yet — if he was ready. He hadn’t said those three little words to anyone in so, so long. Until recently, he was barely sure if he still retained the ability to love at all. But then came Uldwin, with his crooked smile and his righteous determination to see the world set right. He’d believed in Ralis, even when Ralis had given him no reason to do so at all. He’d encouraged him to grow, to push himself, to fight, to find beauty in the world, and to keep moving forward no matter what. He’d saved him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Uldwin sighed into his mouth and took Ralis’s face into his hands. He rolled his body upwards, trailing his fingers down Ralis’s chest, around his sides — gently, so gently. What a gift, this man was. And no, maybe he couldn’t say it just yet. Maybe it would take more work, more faith and trust, and more nights like this for Ralis to put it all into words. But one thing was for certain…</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ralis loved the Dragonborn. </span>
</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>

</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks so much to my beautiful betas, Paunchy and Mim - you guys whipped this bad boy into shape, <s>really Eiffel Towered this chapter...</s> </p>
<p>And thanks to everyone who's left comments and reached out on instagram! I'm glad you guys could join me for this short romp. It was just the right amount of pining, UST, and fluff-smut that I really needed right now, and from what I'm hearing, a lot of you needed it, too. (Is fluff-smut a thing? I'm gonna say it's totally a thing).</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Comments are welcomed and encouraged! (Please, I'm stuck at home and so bored).</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>